Dating Regression or Progression: Have I actually Moved on?

My search for a relationship has progressed at a rate I am content with. I am a big believer of everything happening for a reason, and the timing of it all to be up to the universe and whatever divine powers are at hand.

The cynic in me says that's just me accepting my fate. That I am placing myself in a position of victim hood, instead of taking action to make a relationship happen.

The funny thing about that is I know none of that holds any truth. At least all of last year I participated in singles events, I have been out and about doing activities I enjoy, and I have been out with friends enjoying their companionship.

A recent realization I had, though, is that I always think about my last long-term relationship when it comes to the area of dating. At first, I feared it was because I had yet to move on, or that I was holding onto the past.

But then, I discovered it is actually because its the only reference material I have when it comes to what I want for my next long-term relationship. Of course, technically I had one long-term relationship before that, but it was during my senior year of high school. So, I am not too sure if that actually counts since what I am taking into consideration is my adult life with my adult brain.

Teenager Michelle and Adult Michelle are not the same person.

So, even though I am happy with the slow rate I have in my search for love, I still wish I had some more experience to go with it. My subconscious keeps referring to my ex because it is using him as the blueprint, much to my detest and annoyance, but it is the only one I have.

It is possible that I might have residual feelings over my ex, but I truly do not think it is because I have yet to move on. I have done my self-improvement, I have done the work to tune into my emotions more, and I have processed the four-year experience as much as I could with considerable thinking.

The thing about trauma, though, is that it never truly disappears. We will continue to carry it for all of our lives. But it becomes easier to deal with over time if you try to deal with it.

I remind myself to be kind to my thoughts. The thought of my ex popping up does not mean something good or bad. In this context, it is just a thought.

I label this winter outfit as Neo Goth Pirate. I layered a black, baggy, short sleeve shirt over a green body-con dress and black cargo pants. The shirt was button up half way and given structure with a black belt while it hung loose off my shoulder. The dress has a high thigh slit and the sleeves are mesh to contrast with the rest of the dress. The boots I wore are knee-high and about 3 inches tall. I made my hair into an up-do and placed hair sticks in, which look like snakes.